Burns and Balms: The Shadiest Responses to Attempted Disses

The internet is full of humorous content. Some of it is created, and some of it is at the expense of others. If it’s the latter, the least you can do is to laugh it off. Make sure that you don’t go out handing the match to anyone to lit you aflame. You may have suffered a slight from someone. And you’re entitled to be outraged by it, but don’t go around spitting death and destruction everywhere. Being bitter is unattractive. Believe us; the world will outdo you. It will ground you in reality and do you one better. The fall from atop will be crushing as it has been for many of these individuals. Our advice? Simply weather the emotions, sit it out. And instead of pretending that you’re okay with anything, dig deeper. There’s something you can productively do to address the situation.

The Girl Who Wouldn’t Grow Up

Some people believe that looking good for appearances’ sake is better than using necessities. You know the type. They would rather stay in at home than go out in last season’s neon tops. But even we were taken aback by this Twitter user because this item is essential!

Maybe she’s a kid who prefers raincoats to umbrellas. It is possible that she finds umbrellas too restrictive – with only one free hand to text and take selfies. She better have one hell of an immune system to be walking around with her coat drenching wet. Is she even the type to wear a coat?

Sucks Appeal

You never want to act out of rage or bitterness. It makes you act out of character, or might we say, it shows your true character. Let this woman’s comment speak for itself. She had much to say about sex appeal.

Looks aren’t everything, honey, so please be careful when judging other people’s romantic tastes. If you have ever been in love, you will find yourself loving the distinctions on another person’s body more than their flaws. After that, it’s all character and attitude. You can do better. Soon, we’ll find our hearts smiling.

Good Delivery

It’s rare to be handed an opportunity to make fun of your son. When you’re a parent, the joke’s always on you. You’re not hip enough, you’re old, you’re out of touch. But this time, this mum hit the jackpot about having her son delivered.

That’s a massive burn. Who would want to be called unplanned AKA a mistake by their parents? The only means by which they could correct that mistake is to make sure you don’t get someone else knocked up. In that case, mom, don’t stop.

Intentionally Taken

Everyone has a spectacular day when their skin just looks poreless, and their eyebrows are fleek. It’s that perfect day to take a shot of yourself and casually upload it online – have others compliment you too. But what are the ways of casually uploading it?

Is it even possible to post a picture accidentally? Guess not. We wouldn’t mind her posting a selfie; just don’t give us a reason to hate for lying. Everyone is a little vain from time to time. That’s understandable, but don’t downplay it. This is too obvious. It’s like saying you didn’t mean to drunk -text after having downed cranberry juice.

Real Girls

When women post an Instagram-worthy picture, we thoroughly search the picture for any signs that it has been filtered or Photoshopped. Unlike most girls, this woman didn’t have either. But a care-foot inspection would have been a lifesaver!

Can anyone get her a foot scrub or a Pedi? Imagine going kinky on this girl and then reaching the soles of her feet. You take your time rolling your tongue over the soles of her feet until you taste what smells like cat litter? What a naughty girl you’ve been!

Double Kill

Someone had thought that they could pass the time writing while taking a dump. It’s not that it was insensible. It’s just that he had signed his name beneath the quote in an effort to make it look like he had authored it. Do you think he ran out of paper?

We hope he had. To be fair, they both vandalized the wall. But that burn was spicier than that Jalapeno one had just discharged. What’s the moral of the story? Don’t pass off something that is not within your creative intellect. And bring paper!

Sleep Walking

We hope we never end up like a minority of people who find themselves getting bloated because they’ve drunk milk while they were asleep. Or like this woman here who had allegedly walked out of the house sleepy as hell. The game is afoot. What gave her away?

She had gone so far as wearing socks and then tying the laces neatly on one end. Had it been us, it would have been a disarray of Spaghetti noodles, or we would have been walking on foot. She’s better off brewing a cup of coffee instead of telling us a fib.

Dirty Laundry

One of the reasons we don’t want to vent out on social media is that you’re only justified to do so when you’re a saint. Otherwise, get ready to launder your mouth, bleach those lies, and repent for your sins! Speak of the devil…

And you’d have to bid them depart. These things are better discussed in private. We can listen non-judgmentally, but that’s about it. The excruciating nature of healing takes time; during such, do not post things you would regret.

Well Wishes

Someone thought that cultural festivities could only be enjoyed by people who had contributed to them. Wouldn’t that make for an uneventful celebration? Besides, isn’t it a form of respect to give our well wishes? Now make sure that the door entrance is in the north or north-east direction!

Fortunately, some Chinese dude invited us back to enjoy the festivities with them. Tikoy, anyone? They have the best fireworks, believe us! And their noodles are otherwordly. You wouldn’t taste anything more savory and rich. We can’t wait to have our futures foretold. Someone said this was bound to be a prosperous year.

Lock and Key

The city of love – it’s on our bucket list. Hopefully, we’ll get to travel there and tour the city with a significant other. Maybe we’ll lounge around some coffee shops and then inscribe our initials on a padlock, attach it on the fence and throw away the key. Take a picture of it as she did.

But make sure to omit the background. We’re guessing they didn’t last long because if they can lie to the public about sealing their love, then the relationship is built on shaky foundations. This is too heartbreaking to watch.

Reports in Real Time

Anderson Cooper is a well-respected broadcaster. But to make it in the industry, you would have to gain credibility by reporting facts. Someone tried to discredit him by demanding that he report the absolute truth. He showed them how he fact-checks…

by going through their tweet history. If someone goes through your past updates, best believe that they habitually check the credibility of their sources and factual tidbits. Cooper is the type to take these things seriously. But a little word of caution? Maybe next time, Cooper should just address the concern. No ad hominem of any sort.

The Neighbors Called

In high school, everyone just wants to be accepted. Unfortunately, some people try too hard to look cool, and the whole plan backfires. This guy tried to dissuade the police from coming to his party. It’s bound to be a rocking party. How rebellious!

But it turns out that the summit police didn’t have to come over. Oh yeah, the neighbors called. They wanted to ask if anyone was going to come to the party. This one ought to be placed on the yearbook! We hope he had taken down the post ASAP.

Crying Wolf

When a relationship goes sour, the heart does not break even. We would love for every couple to work through their issues, but that’s nearly impossible when trust and respect have gone out the door. Would you be able to trust your partner after she does this?

Taylor cried wolf. She had forgotten to block her ex, and he quickly set things on the record. Or maybe they had both done it, in which case, there’s really no point for this relationship to continue. We hope they learn to settle their resentment soon.

Library Buddies

In college, if you barely passed the prelims or the midterms acing the finals is your last chance to secure a passing grade. As you spend weeks preparing, your vision narrows to the few hours in each subject. You spend your time in the library binging all the books you can read. There’s no harm in that, right?

So why is this guy pretending like he’s not studying? If he tops the exam will he credit it to his genius IQ for barely reading the books? Maybe it’s an exaggeration of sorts. It really did seem like the end of the world for us in college.

Pets Not Included

You could get a lot of your money back by selling some of your used items / furniture. Just look at this reseller here. She had wanted to market a gray couch. It seems comfortable; . But does it come with epinephrine shots?

You’re going to need those the moment you notice yourself teeming with red patches on your skin. Head to the sink and rinse it off. If it’s that bad, you might even have trouble breathing. That express warranty will avoid the whole sale, so seller beware! Better have that contract ready to be torn apart.

Mommy Did It

This is a classic case of who dunnit! It’s not as gory as you think but it is messy. There’s one casualty with three perpetrators to choose from. The assailant mercilessly disemboweled the victim – all of the contents are spewed all over the place!

So who do you think did it? It’s amazing the lengths some people go to to get attention. They may not be able to get it, but they will use their dog for it. Look at that face, even it’s thinking has its owner gone berserk?

Quality Test

When you’re browsing an item online, you’d want to hear the specs – had it been used prior? What’s the material? What’s the brand? How much is it being sold for? Are there any discounts? This man had wanted to sell his shades, it’s just that we have an issue about it being his shape.

He he apparently worn them, and used them in his profile picture. That’s why he could attest it wasn’t his shape. Second that backdrop is making us think it’s going to require more than just a warranty – like it has to have undergone disinfection.

Playing the Pauper

Some people like to play the pity card whereas others find reasons to be grateful for the things and persons they have in their lives. If you’re unsure, you’ll find out soon enough. Do you know anyone who has the same sentiments as this kid?

We would have probably done more than just comment on his Facebook post. We would have probably gone so far as forcing him to find a job. Let him understand how difficult and valuable it is to put food on the table. They have heat! Heat! Some people shiver in the cold, man.

Not Taking Nos

This guy wanted to take a woman out on a date. And to turn the tables he had thought of playing a little game. Don’t worry, your feelings wouldn’t get hurt. It’s could work for your crush too! But be sure to have Paint or Photoshop.

It’s just that his efforts were unrequited. It’s a good thing that he knew how to take no for an answer. Other guys would have been licking their wounds after a blunt rejection. We would want to go out on a date with him! Nothing is sexier than a man with loads of humor!

Bad Rep

Some sites try to garner attention by dissing on celebrities, or making up stories for everyone to shame them. It’s easy to do that. The scandalous, the better! Take for example Irish Daily Mirror who had gotten a piece of information from an unreliable source.

Chris immediately laid the facts for them. Do we trust him? We do, especially if there are no prior reports of him having discouraged film producers and directors to cast Irishmen. Whether it was intentional or not, Irish Mirror deserves to get a bad rep. Say, have you even heard of them?

Entombment

If this had really happened, this Twitter post would be engraved on her tombstone. Here she lies, well at least, what’s left of her bones. Can you honestly believe that a 3000-lb mammal would refuse to act according to its predatory nature?

That lion would have saved us from a body of lies. We have a healthy sense of disbelief. It goes by the name of bullcrap whisperer, and we can tap into other people’s minds and relay that fictional stories are best saved for an evening scare. On second thought, this story doesn’t even horrify. It’s like the opening act for comedy night.

Natural Look

Asians do the natural look. Americans don’t. They say they do but in reality, they’re wearing cakes of make-up, sheen and some lipstick to make it look natural. This doesn’t even include the hours they spend to edit out imperfections.

She looks cute. What reason is there to tell everyone it’s all-natural when wearing make-up is a life choice. Girls like these ought to be taken out on a date, but on a swimming date. See if they would dare enter the water or say that their “natural makeup” will be ruined. Just a suggestion…

Pimp my Ride

Wouldn’t you be in luck if you had been the winner of MTV’s Pimp My Ride. They customize your car; add in pool tables, mini refrigerators – basically anything that would suit your lifestyle. Just look at Snoves here flexing the car…

to which her set of keys don’t belong to. It’s not like it’s a bad thing, having to set your eyes on a fly ride. It’s just that until then, it’s wishful thinking. How about saving up on money by ditching the overpriced coffee?

Play Pretend

Some people will play at your emotions to gain sympathy. You might miss out a crucial piece of information within the few seconds that they’re at play. Try to keep an open mind, and a healthy degree of distrust. Care to spot the diversion below?

The person who had advised the “victim” initially responded with a sensible option. Within a minute though, she had noticed that it would have been illogical for a person to update their status. Oh the “victim” got the attention they needed alright. It’s just that they were called out on it too!

Filial Love

If we caught our younger brother doing this, we would play the snitch as well. Instead of going out on a road trip, this guy uploaded a picture of him laying atop a towel and basking in the sun. How about some fake tan lines too?

We’re guessing he wasn’t too pleased for being called out. The internet isn’t happy that he’s been lying to it either. But it makes for a great laugh, and that’s enough to settle with. He could keep up with it. Nice try on the shot you almost caught our attention! Also, did he collect sand especially for this picture?

True Friends

You know you have found a group of genuine people when they call you out on the things that you do. They’re sincerely concerned for your welfare and the values that you uphold. One of which includes honesty.

It must have been a tasty lunch – perfectly fried with juice seeping out on the sides, much like the details we’re getting out of this Facebook post. But we’ll never know if he had radically stuck to the dietary shift. If he did, then at least, he would have proven his friend wrong.

Online Bully

Someone wanted to humiliate Cole by posting a throwback pic of him at 17. It’s not like he should be ashamed of it. He had been a boy then, but he had grown out of it since. Some people just have massive growth spurts at a later time in their lives.

But Cole quickly responded to the taunt about his physique by waving his wad of cash. Do you think kjapa wold have been able to dead lift that tonnage of money? Cole must have been making millions when he was only 17. Even if you deadlift with thousands on either end, it’d still be back-breaking!

College Education

Studying isn’t easy, especially when you don’t have the right study methods in place. You could be muck deep in six-figure student debt and falling behind classes despite repeatedly reading the text. So we understand how subjects could be a tear-jerker.

It’s just that, there’s a minority of people out there, including the author, who are profoundly fascinated with the subjects you find difficult. And that’s okay. May we suggest that you ask them to explain it to you? Nowadays there are video explanations for that.

Wis-dumb

Being older doesn’t necessarily mean being wiser. We should know. So many of us have grown older without having grown up. So, it’s safe to say that the same logic can be applied to Baby Boomers and other fossils. We’d rather rely on science than on senile experience.

Most of you can’t even navigate using a smartphone, but pride yourselves in having used a compass and a map during the War. Second, the experiences you’ve gathered existed during a time that no longer exists. All of us are currently discovering the world as it unfolds because of unprecedented technology. So thanks but no thanks!

Relationship Status

Someone tried to show off their boyfriend and just how much effort he put into their relationship. She posted a screenshot of it and within a couple of minutes, someone had commented about their official status. This really gets us thinking.

Someone’s in deep disbelief that this woman even has a boyfriend. Are you? It seems that publicizing everything is the norm nowadays, and if you don’t chances are it is make-believe. She could just be protecting her privacy while acknowledging his efforts. But then again, she could be delusional.

Truth Cam

Readers beware! This is not a stunt you would want to try on the highway. Ease off the pedal and travel at the imposed speed limits. Keep your hands on the wheel and your eyes on the road at all times, even when “stuck in traffic”.

In this case, looks can definitely kill. That picture-perfect shot can have him swerve sharply, or change lanes to the detriment of his insurance company. Make sure to get in the office in one piece, not in a body bag. We hope he had been pulled over shortly after.

For Resale

Here are a couple of tricks to resell used items – take a quality picture of it. Make sure it’s a clear photograph relaying the color and key details. Describe in vivid detail, use search engine words, and disclose the smallest flaws – such as never been used by DaleJr.

Not only was this person a cheat, but also lacking in forethought. Tagging someone’s name would have caused that person to verify the tagged picture. Now that isn’t what you’d want if you wanted to make some money off a lie.

For the Record

Working out is never easy at first. But we suggest that you start with a low-intensity workout. The key is consistency, then gradually raise the intensity while your body habituates to the pain. Don’t go Guinness-world-book-of-records like this one.

Because it’s hardly believable. He isn’t Kenenisa Bekele or Tirunesh Dibaba by the color of his skin. He could start training though, if he really wants to hold the title on Facebook. If it had been us we would have reported this person for abuse. It seems to us that he’s pretending to be someone else. Usurper!

Care to Share

some tips? Adrian had anted to tell us that amassing wealth loses its appeal. This is to imply that he makes thousands manning a minimum-wage job. But then again, “rich” is a relative term. Maybe he ahd hit the jackpot at 17 years old with $1000 in the bank.

Now who are we to judge him on his standard of living. Maybe he has gotten complacent earning at that much rate. We wouldn’t mind him sharing a little of his savings with us, if that makes him feel that money is real.

Unpatronly

There’s this saying about having to be respectful towards the chef or the staff who make your dishes. You wouldn’t want to be served with something …distasteful, like this one here. Arby’s better have his name and face lining the walls to get even!

Chris, next time we suggest you drop your feedback in the box. Don’t air out these sentiments in public or you will be shamed the same way. We’ve heard bitterness can be complemented with something sweet. How about an Arby’s Jamocha Shake?

Hare-y Situation

Rebecca got into a hairy situation when she had posted a Facebook picture of her drawing. The lesson of the story is to take one’s time. When you feel like there aren’t much hours within the day, stick to what’s essential – such as posting the truth.

All we have to do is right click and search google for the image. In an era of limitless data, we have nearly the same amount of resources to fact-check and verify the tidbits we believe are untrue. Besides, isn’t Rebecca a bit too old to be passing someone else’s drawing as hers?

Hitting the Sheets

This for sure, is a cool mom. Could you ever lambast your kid about their sexual life by comparing it with a coffee machine? We hadn’t even thought something as innocent and domestic as coffee could be fuel for a fire. But this kid had struck the match and lit himself.

Call it, STAT! Even we were taken aback with that comment. It seemed like a pretty innocent question. why throw it out if it’s working, but mum takes her coffee grounds and brewed cups seriously. She’s willing to throw punches below the belt.

Playing the Victim

What do this woman, Kanye West, and Amber Heard have in common? Take your time. You would be mildly amused as we are. But it might not be what you would ordinarily guess. Passable looks? Check. Gorgeous pictures? Check. Massive improvement in looks over the years? Check. How about…

a victim mentality? Definitely. Because nowadays when people value kindness, some people intentionally portray themselves as the victim to get people’s sympathy. Our initial reaction is to protect. However heroic that is, be mindful of the truth. No one bullied you for your looks.

Quit Comparing

Baby Boomers have rightfully earned the title to be the sour and surly elderly patients awaiting the final tick. It’s not like we want to speed up the process. We’re really trying to lengthen our patience until we’re hit by untimely titles such as this.

Really, stop comparing. We understand that you were forced into battle when you were under-aged or nearing 18. But just because you fought in the name of freedom doesn’t mean that every other generation is a failure. You learned out of necessity, and we have learned the necessary wit to shut you down.

Selfies

The internet is unkind to people who lie about their relationship statuses. As if the world wasn’t lonely enough for singletons, netizens have even made it lonelier by roasting them… usually for good reason. Word of caution – view your picture before uploading it.

Because once it is uploaded, people will scrutinize it to find faults. They will invest the time to, believe us! You may not have used a filter or an add-on, but you had misled them into believing you were off the market. Way to go for standing out.

Taking Out the Trash

We’re probably guilty of this one at a certain point in our lives. When a date goes wrong, or when we’re mistreated by a person we really like, we tend to assume the whole lot of them is garbage. But really, we’re changing that mindset. We hope she has too!

Ouch! Maybe next time, we should filter our complaints. It’s not like one rotten apple speaks for the whole barrel. We wouldn’t want to be thrown out with the rest of the spoilage. Maybe next time, just speak to a couple of friends about that bad date?

Negative Feedback

Remember Frankie Muniz? Yeah we couldn’t either, but we’re sure you’ll recognize him if you see a picture of his face. Apparently, someone expressed an honest opinion of his acting online. He didn’t react to it too kindly. Would you have?

Maybe, Muniz was forced into acting. There are a lot of child stars who crash and burn because of the fame. And we’re certain that Muniz could have gotten better, if he had wanted to stay. Whatever works for him, right? Being a millionaire before 20 isn’t bad.

Going Retro

Someone posted a picture of a grocery aisle way back in the late 70s. This retro picture is beautiful with the dim, orange lighting and the neatly arranged shelves. It was too beautiful that someone looked at it long enough, to notice an incongruity.

Turns out, this was just an old grocery store with dim, yellow lights. At least it’s clean! The earliest time Powerade was marketed was in the 90s. So this picture isn’t that old. Aisselectric has said it, Why y’all always lying? It’s giving us trust issues!

Petty Crook

Michael, Corleone and Frank Sheeran make crime look cool. So it’s understandable how some teenagers try to outdo each other by engaging in criminal activity. Saleh went so far as uploading a video of smuggling himself into a plane.

It’s just that he was really a paying customer. Imagine if he had been sent to jail because people believed he had smuggled himself into a plane. That would be a good lesson. Maybe then, he won’t waste Tigerair’s security resources to look cool.

Fly Ride

What’s your ideal ride? Ours is the Cybertruck! Imagine having to take it for a run, and then driving it home to be washed and waxed. You’d be as ecstatic as this guy who had gotten a new SUV. It’s just that, you’d be excited to receive it as a kid.

This is a fun way to dupe your friends. Have them seething with envy as you take shots from different angles. Just make sure to take a picture of the car with a different background, otherwise they’ll wonder why your bathroom tiles line up the back of the car.

Triggering Message

This woman had really just wanted to go out on a date. She sent a generic text, which she probably sent to every guy on many dating apps. But the worst part is that it had been a triggering message for a guy whose friend’s dad got into an accident.

But who says bad messages are hopeless. Had it been us we would have either unmatched or simply ignored. At least he took the time to reply. Now take the time to think an original, heartfelt apology. Then get the ball rolling.

Imaginary Rave

There’s nothing like inducing envy to spice things up. Pretend that you’re on a special getaway, or you’ve been invited to an exclusive club. Describe the details and bathe in the unprecedented attention from your friends.

Just make sure to inform your closest peers beforehand. They’re going to call you out on your bullcrap. To be fair a modern family marathon doesn’t seem all that bad. Just invite us for a pj party!

Parking Privileges

Some people are stingy when it comes to the privileges accorded to persons with disabilities. Those perks are just to level the odds. Unfortunately, someone had thought that those perks should only be offered at certain hours.

Daniel, it’s not like those disabilities disappear at will. That’s probably something they will endure for the rest of their lives. A little sensitivity will do you wonders! If you want to enjoy the same perks, mental disabilities are still a handicap.

Basking in the Limelight

We’re not really big fans of the Jenner girls. They thrived in the success of their sisters. And it seems like they wouldn’t stop at fame hoarding there. When Kylie attempted to have her name trademarked, it was prohibited the most satisfying way.

We just can’t get you out of our head Minogue. Your love over music is all we think about. It’s more than any Jenner can ever dare to become. You go Kylie, Minogue that is. No one else can rock that onesie low cut gown you wore in that music video, not even the Jenners.

Flashing the Bills

You have just survived two weeks of rigorous work. It’s the end of the month and you have bills lined up to be paid. But you’re excited because today you will go home with your wallet stuffed with cash. We hope they’re all $100 bills.

Scratch that. We hope they’re real money -not the kind you’d hand over to pay plastic produce with. Second, that looks awfully thin, with a lot of Washingtons in them. The only time thinner is better is if you’re being paid with a blank check. Could we opt for another president or career path?

Too Many Chances

In a relationship, both parties try to make amends before things go sour. It helps both to be emotionally intelligent. But usually, women end up giving more than men. So when they call it quits for unrequited efforts, expect to be treated like this.

We will pass you over for your more accomplished, younger brother. You’ve got the same last name, belong to the same genetic pool, and have the right amount of dissimilarities to make sure he doesn’t commit the same mistakes. It sounds like our match!

Impressing No One

It takes a lot of years, and ice, to be able to do tricks on snowboards. If you want to do all that without the effort and the expenses, you could just hit google search. Caption it with something truthful and then upload it for your friends to see!

And then wait until the few friends that you have estranged themselves from you. No one is going to believe you doing any trips or tricks any time soon. You probably couldn’t even skate without your knees buckling or your shin remaining unharmed. Like most of us. But seriously, this lie was way too big not to be called out.

Imaginary Story

Imagine the heist scene in Joker – everyone has got their masks on, with the empty duffel bags and the silencer. Out on the front, you’ve got two men directing the customers to keep quiet and to lay down flat on the floor, until this happens.

It’s just that, that kid would have been a number on a casualty list had this really happened. What are the chances of robbers changing their moral stance after going through a grueling ordeal of planning a bank heist. Probably 0.05% of a change of heart.

Official Status

You are only entitled to mark off territories once you have become official. Otherwise, you can’t claim someone as yours, let alone compete with an older sister. Genes over flings. This isn’t the way you’d want to be reminded.

Don’t you think she was rightfully put in place? Big sisters can be protective of their brothers. This is not a wildcat you would want to mess with. Because in the long run, she’s going to be an in-law. There’s no winning there either.

Momma’s Boy

This one tried to impress us using his mom’s credit card. We don’t think adults , especially middle-class ones, would make this mistake. They’re more likely to spend it on food and other essentials…not video games.

Mum would not waste money on kids who have a vivid imagination – in fact, more vivid than the games they’re playing. Moms are inclined to ground them. So that’s a win-win solution! Besides 25 coffees? We would have given you granules.

Solo Flight

We think this is a bit uncalled for. No one wants to end up forever alone, so it’s understandable why a few people would conjure up a partner. We hope their partner’s taste in music is at par with theirs. But that wouldn’t be too difficult – liking your own stuff.

Better get new friends! Or change your mindset about being single. It’s not that bad. You could work on yourself without someone making demands on you. The experience will come when you grow wiser and you network more. By then, you and your real girlfriend will be rocking out to the same songs.

Competitive Streak

Who’s Tom Anderson? Oh he’s just the guy who had created MySpace. Remember that social network, way back when it was cool. We had fun with it right? But someone had to rub in how unsuccessful it was. Unsuccessful is a relative term, though.

Tom wasted no time putting this hater in place, by wading around a couple of zeros. Never mind that it hadn’t lasted, just that it was briefly successful, and that he had raked in a lot of money. If you’re going for function, at least, we have Facebook right?

Avid Fan

This avid fan wanted to show off the best seats in the house. He had someone take a picture of him from the back, taking much of the field players before the match started. But even if he had gone rows closer, he wouldn’t have been able to hear the players say hut hut…

because he was viewing them from the confines of his house. He had been watching the show on his television and had thought that the pixels on the screen wouldn’t show. Second, the picture was taken at an odd angle, so it’s easy to spot that this was staged.

Word Puns

Someone shared this story about them encountering an “accident” at home. Too bad, her parents weren’t at home, or that she probably didn’t understand what she was doing to herself. It’s just that, if it were us doing this, we would have averted from the painful source seconds after yelping.

And that’s why she had probably used the sharpener. It would have taken as less than a second to pull our hand back. At least she was honest enough to admit she had been a dull kid…needed a little edging on the sides. It makes for a great story though.

Brain Dead

Now this one is our favorite. We still can’t believe this actually occurred in a courtroom, but here are the stenographic notes to prove it. The opposing counsel wanted to discredit the witness. A cardinal rule is to ask questions you know the answer to, otherwise, you’re in for a disaster!

*facepalm. Way to go for bringing the entirety of lawyers to shame. You invested three years minimum to study law, and a few more decades to gain experience, only to be chastised this way! Oh, but you had deserved it. You could do better discrediting an expert witness than that!

Going Out Clubbing

You know that when a girl is asking you details, it is because she already has them beforehand. She is just fact-checking…verifying them like they do to see if you are worth the time and the emotional investment. So never lie.

Otherwise, you’d have your bum handed to you, and you would be tone-deaf by the end of the night. You are lucky she didn’t bring her girlfriends, otherwise, that would be asking the whole militia to take down a lone assailant.

Casual Listener

Some people judge others based on their political affiliations, others by their values. We judge them based on their musical preferences. Now, this woman tried to engage others to listen to her favorite artist by casually downplaying her musical interests.

And we would have believed her, had it not been for her username – 4ever? Well, Justin’s vocal range has improved over the years, and so has his releases. So while we’re wondering why she would shrug off her love for Bieber, we’d like to tell her we understand why.

Elitism

This woman had wanted to point out that a guy can only be as attractive as his ride. To her, finances are the key. It sounds like someone’s got a shovel in hand. But women like this are desperately unattractive.

Wait, until you’re finally working. You’d understand the importance of saving money, and why you have to take public transport. Besides, why don’t you focus on getting your own ride. Go work on yourself girl!

Testing Hypothesis

This is a rare instance when a scientist was duped by a commoner. Was Tyson testing a hypothesis when he posted this tweet? It’s just unlike him, to be talking about something which is not cosmic. He went out with a bang.

But at least we found out why it was called Leap Day. How do you think Tyson took it? He’s a pretty stable guy. and he doesn’t seem ego-centric. But next time, he could rethink about sharing his sentiments publicly. Maybe he can browse the thesaurus on breaks.

High on Intellect

There are a lot of quizzes that purport to tell you your IQ score. Now before everyone boasts of it, understand that you could learn anything because the brain is malleable. But you will have to learn faster within the year because the IQ score is adjusted based on your age. We’d like to say that in time even Charley can go from 85 to 125.

Now, she puts the rest of us in the upper 40%. Guess she hadn’t thought this through – that the share link would not only invite others to take the test but display her IQ score. Shame on those app developers! They should have been more sensitive to the inclinations of Charley.

Mom Jokes

Meet another case of someone being called out for being single. Let us repeat, there’s nothing wrong about it. But having to pretend about having a girlfriend makes it pitiful. Please, don’t set yourselves up as the punchline for a mom joke.

Because not everyone can do a Wayans comeback in cosmetic padding and flamingo gowns. Not everyone can breakdance when the occasion calls for it. Relationships will come in time. We’re certain those romantic interests will. Until then you have the women in your family to give you moral support. That’s unconditional love right there. Remember what that feels like because that’s the benchmark your partner should be performing against.

Swift Running

If Taylor Swift read this post she’d probably be sprinting the other direction. Or she could just block this superfan. It’s partly based on science but we don’t understand what he’s hinting at. We’re certain that you wouldn’t want to listen to this discussion in person.

And that is why restraining orders have gone on the rise. Celebrities are rudely hounded by “superfans” who are losing grip on reality. If only healthcare were comprehensive to include psychiatric counseling. It seems like this girl needs some help. Would you attack Taylor Swift when she’s so sweet?

Caught Brown-handed

There is an unspoken rule on INstagram. In order to get that many hearts, it has to be glossy, perfect, matted and divine. Any subject has to be bejewelled with either make-up or filter. Reality cannot exist on the platform. So when one woman posted a picture of her and a significant other, she employed the trick…

of painting one nail. Here we thought the whole point was to show-off the picture. Apparently, it had to be done while hiding chipped nails. Well we would be anxious too if we had to post a picture on Instagram. Perfection is key, there.

Stooges

They were a popular comedy act in the 30s who would use slapstick comedy. They would hit each other, stumble down or fall flat on their faces like this person right here. Someone hand her a dictionary. Quickly please!

Good job Johnnie boy! Book is somewhere in the 300th page. We’re hoping that by then, she will have had read several English words with an “oo”. At least she learned something by this post. Thank heavens someone had this post immortalized. Teachers can make a placard of it.

Alternate Realities

This physicist never revealed his IQ to the general public, but it is estimated to be 160. Now we’re not a fan of numbers and neither is he…about boasting. He says people who boast about their IQs are losers. Here’s one of them interviewing him.

Wasn’t that a comedic failure? Well to be fair, the answer would be a yes. Although John Oliver makes his living telling jokes, he wouldn’t be a match with Stephen Hawking in this lifetime. At least he had everyone laughing in with him. Nice one, Stephen!

A Little Logic

Things got complicated when someone updated us on his thoughts about picking up clients. Oh don’t worry, it’s not that kind of service. This one brings them to their proper destination by the 21st. It’s a legitimate yellow cab taxi service.

It seems like getting a “lift” in the UK has garnered some pretty bad rep. We understand why. But original taxi services were really repaid with money. It wasn’t a barter like it is now. *wink wink Now you’ve got to bring some protection with you.

Crediting the Authorities

Someone had thought that the World Health Organization was doing an unimpressive job at maintaining everyone’s health. How else could it be a pioneer when it sat by the sidelines. Luckily, we had our queries answered by someone who took science to Twitter.

Maybe we should give it the credit it deserves. It was made roughly a few years after the Second World War, and it has been a key player in distributing vaccinations and conducting studies around the world. You can’t change the world without facts!

Tip Graciously

There’s nothing like the holiday season to get you in the mood for a little generosity. You would take the time to wrap up gifts and send them to loved ones, and even strangers. This well-wisher had thought about graciously tipping his waitress with $100.

But like many others, it had been simply for show. It was written on the customer copy – one he had brought home. It would be better if he just greeted them Feliz Navidad and went on his way. Too bad she wrote it on her own copy.. fail much?

Time Saved

This person had asked a legitimate question regarding texting shortcuts. We haven’t considered this because we’ve always thought these are just individual preferences. One Reddit user had a hilarious comeback.

Ur so funny. Well, answering questions can be a priority for some whereas for others it would be proper grammar and syntax. If you have auto-correct, you wouldn’t have to bother with the first. This post proves that Reddit threads are the best!

Character over Looks

What would you choose? Guys who put in the effort on their bodies or those who are princes underneath all the fat. Someone posed this question on Twitter based on movies and how much they had earned. Turns out, we value animation more.

There’s greater audience for guys who put in the effort…at controlling their temperament. Besides, doesn’t Shrek have greater moral value than Magic Mike. We go for those things – consistency, mean-spirited humor with a kind heart, and foresight. Besides (looking at Magic Mike), you think he’s compensating for something?

Fitness Second

Working day-long shifts used to be the thing, now the fad has been to keep a balanced lifestyle. Squeeze in a few hours within the day to work and a few days within the year to travel. This Instagram user thought of taking a trip…

to their backyard. Given the wide landscape, she could have sweated a bit. But there’s nothing like endorphins for the brain when you get so many likes from people online. That beats working out every time! Her backyard is gorgeous, can we just say…

Equality of the Sexes

There are perks to feminism. But there are some hypothetical questions that keep us awake at night. One of which includes, why are there some people who are opposed to the idea of equality? Why are there people who believe that feminists act on raging hormones? Take for instance,

And this woman had rightfully put him in his place. Having a conversation with people who have strictly-held beliefs can be futile. This is why we opt to shut them down. Let them take the time to rethink their beliefs. After all, not everyone is meant to satisfy or serve your needs, pal.

Third-Degree

This post seemed innocent to us, like it had been written with good intentions. It’s really just about dualism. But someone thought that it was an opportune time to light the wick on the Molotov Cocktail. Another seconded by offering referral centers…for burns.

Guess, he’s pretty unpopular in school. We’re really rooting for the person who had posted the status update. It wasn’t like he was saying dissing anyone. It would have made a good discussion amongst friends, but someone had to ruin it.

Throwback Picture

Ever wonder where you got your looks from? Some people posted pictures of themselves and their grandmums or granddads online. In some of these photos the similarities are staggering. In others, you’d find yourself raising your eyebrows. It almost seems like a throwback picture.

Throwback to a few seconds ago, when you hadn’t put on a pair of glasses and when you chose to stand timidly. Everything else suggests that there wasn’t a generational gap between the shots taken. It’s just a couple of edits and a filter add-on.

Good Advice

Every college has a confession page where you can post your nastiest secret. Others do it to admit their crushes, in the hopes that the latter will reply. Who wouldn’t want their name to be featured on the page? Some even go so far as staging a confession about themselves!

It’s just that he failed to post it anonymously. He even commented on his own post when he ought to have put it down the minute it was uploaded. His friend had given him good advice. But if he wasn’t well-versed with the updating his status, neither is he knowledgeable on deleting it.

School Jocks

We have heard rumors that school jocks are pampered with privileges other students aren’t. One of which includes passes from homework and due assignments. We daresay differently, just look at this shot taken of school jocks during recess.

So that’s why they customarily pass blank papers. They write with imaginary pens. Are they school jocks because that’s all they are good at, or because they can stand to be excused from academic requirements? We hope they know how to construct sentences, at the very least.

Misquoting

This woman thought it would be cool to quote Marilyn Monroe who had said something about text messaging. But someone had been quick to point out the historical inconsistencies. Now we’re thinking her partner had made the right choice about leaving her.

Monroe was a star of Golden Hollywood. She passed away in 1962, about 18 years prior to the time when cellphones were even made. She really couldn’t have said anything about texting. Handwritten letters and scribbles were her thing. Direct messaging would help this woman prove her love, no matter how crazy it seems. Haven’t you been in love before?

Hair-splitting

Only one man can pull off an egocentric vibe so well, and that’s Robert Downey Jr. He plays Tony Stark in the Iron Man franchise. We’re unsure if he’s even acting. So it’s no wonder why some guys would mimic him and his witty replies.

You may be handsome but you quickly lose appeal when you take credit for someone else’s humor. What did this guy expect? That no one would be in tune to see Downey Jr. on Kimmel’s late night talk show? Tough luck! If we had been the hairdresser, we would have told you differently.

Friendly Competition

Apple has gone head to head with Tesla Motors in its launch of an electric car. Elon Musk sits back nonchalantly, takes out his iPhone and uploads a responsive Tweet. Trust us, it’s just like Apple to do something of the sort.

Sell an overpriced car body. Entice customers using its tradename, which is getting more and more unimpressive. And the care mileage will only go to a certain extent, much like your phone’s storage capacity. If you want to go any farther, buy another Apple car.

Fast Asleep

There’s nothing as cute as having a photo taken of you and your lover asleep in bed. You’re both cuddling each other, safe in each other’s arms. But if you had no one else living with you, that would mean that an intruder is in the house.

Such as bed bugs? Nice try, but you’re not fooling us like the 1009 individuals who loved your picture. You may have gotten away preying on sentiment, but you can’t get away with common sense. There’s no way you could have taken that picture without saliva drooling off the corners of your mouth.

Rat Race

Someone jumped off the deep end of the pool and came up short of effort. So instead of putting in more practice, he uploaded a picture of himself winning a race. It’s funny how he had to make up for the loss as one of the last swimmers.

Thank God for the winner to call him out on it. Maybe he’ll rethink about posting further if the tallies are shown on-screen. If he gives it enough time and passion, he can win that race without having to lie about it online. Maybe a few more hours in the pool will do the trick. Do more bubbles, lose the weight and gain the credibility.

Frenemies

This is how you make enemies quickly – by practicing disloyalty on your friends. They are bound to be your worst enemies. They remember harmless details about you and your family, and they can wield that into the perfect dagger. So never turn against them!

Guess someone lacked attention from their parents. You’d know if someone gives a puny remark. Why else would you insult someone who had kindly answered your question? Guess you can’t really give out love if you hadn’t received much of it. The good news is that there’s still X number of years for your parents to love you. Maybe the walls of your ego will recede by then.

Photography

Artists are one of the most exploited professions out there. Their services are usually contracted at low rates, they don’t have a stable source of income because it can vary month to month, and their work , although protected from the moment of creation, can be easily appropriated by another.

Good thing there’s the internet, and the millions of people who scrutinize every detail in every pixel of a picture. It also helps that the guy doesn’t know how to edit and crop out edges. If this guy didn’t have the artistic genius to create art, he sure as hell can’t be expected to credit the right source.

Disclaimer: This Article was First Published on Daveswallet.com and is published here with approval.